Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
