So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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