now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
