We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
