Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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