Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
