i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
