I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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