do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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