You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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