Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
