There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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