the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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