i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
