Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
