Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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