I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
