apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
