I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
