He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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