I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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