Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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