I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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