I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
