Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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