Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
