At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
