Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
