Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
