she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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