So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
