Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
