Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
