plz talk dirty to me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
