Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
