I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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