hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
