She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
