I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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