I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
