5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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