Small penises have feelings too.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
