Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
