i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
