Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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