lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
