Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
