about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
