I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
