I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.