Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.