He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All the doctor said was why
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
