My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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