question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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