I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
