He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
