Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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