my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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