Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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