and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
