I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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