Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We are two peas in an std pod
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
