remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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